this is my runaway love.

the last post.

2011-01-05T21:20:00.002+08:00

I think, if someone wants to break up with you, then they should just man up and do it, right?
Waiting around for the other person to initiate the break-up is just God damn cowardly.

I'm going to delete this blog soon.
And then I'm going to burn the pages of my diaries.

twenty eleven

2011-01-01T21:05:00.002+08:00

It's a new year, time for a fresh start!
I shall be more optimistic from now onwards.
&& not to mention, I won't waste my time because as they say, the devil makes work for idle hands!
And so, I'm going to make sure this year is a productive one!
Get ready 2011~

2011-01-01T18:56:00.002+08:00

It's been a tough couple of weeks.

I wonder if you don't trust me anymore?
Or are you hiding something from me?

2010-12-30T11:38:00.001+08:00

I must be more patient and more understanding.
And right now I'm just boreddddd and nothing to do! Zzz.
And less jealous. Dots.

2010-12-24T12:22:00.002+08:00

"but just remember hor. not eating will not make him contact you faster. will not make you feel better abt it. and you're not taking care of your body that way."

I think.
Maybe I'm self-destructive.
Maybe I'm just keen on punishing myself.
Or maybe I'm still making this about me.

I can't do that.
I have to stop thinking about myself, stop caring about myself.
LOSE MYSELF.
I need to lose myself.

2010-12-21T18:51:00.002+08:00

Every guy will reach a point in his relationship where he just gets bored of his girlf.
That's what you told me.

I think this is that moment.
When every call I make has you sounding annoyed and agitated.
And we can fight through sms 3 times in one day.

I'll wait.
Wait for you to come back to me.
(:

2010-12-17T18:31:00.000+08:00

Can I, can I?

2010-12-09T23:06:00.000+08:00

Can I be confused about the direction I'm headed?

I've been staring at the monitor the whole day.
I get paid to type.
And now in my own leisure, I'm too lazy to press the keys.

So damn tired and sleepy laaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh! GRR.

2010-12-08T21:58:00.002+08:00

It's a little hard to really express my disappointment today.
You were the only thing I was looking forward to.

To ask you how your day went, how the people there are like, whether you like it or not.
To tell you about the scary trip there, the pain in my joints/elbows, the nice environment.
I had so much just waiting to be heard and to be spoken.

And bam!
We must have exchanged what, 25 words each?

I can't tell you how much I wanted to just crawl into your arms and pretend nothing else mattered, that the rest of the world didn't exist.
I was waiting in line for the bus and I saw this pair, and I thought, why couldn't we have been like that? Why couldn't our evening have been like that?

I guess the thing that really disappointed me the most was that seeing you made everyth better for me, but it clearly wasn't the same for you.

Oh well. Just gna put that behind us now. I'm just glad we're ok!

Dedicated To You

2010-12-04T23:20:00.003+08:00

I realise now I could never leave you. I couldn't just let everything we've been through go to waste. We've worked too hard to get this far, and we can still work a little harder.

You're not the sweet wrapper I can throw out the window and forget about, you're the everlasting sweet. You give me toothache and cavities, but I love you too much to let go of you now.

You were my friend when no one else wanted me, my shoulder to lean on when no one had the time. When I made mistakes, you were there to make them with me. When I was sad, you let me pour my heart out and when I was angry, you stood by my madness. Now I give you my heart, and entrust to you that which I would to no one else. Only because I know you're the only one who can, and can do it well.

Post-As

2010-12-01T22:59:00.000+08:00

cute or whaaat~

2010-11-30T19:41:00.001+08:00

"Did you bring plastic bag?"
"Yeah. I brought 2. Just in case."
"In case I forgot to bring?"
"Yeah. Did you bring?"
"I brought 3. (Just in case.) Heheh."

New Goal.

2010-11-29T22:07:00.001+08:00

My new goal in life is to be better than all of them. (:

2010-11-29T19:40:00.002+08:00

Today marks the very last day I don a uniform to school.
It's been a long and tough journey, butI'm glad I made it through.
JC isn't exactly a breeze no matter how smart you are or how many friends you have.
So many things have happened in these past two years that I can't possibly remember them all.

And here I am.

For those of you who've never been to JC, I can't even begin to describe what the experience was like.
The first year is mostly all fun and games and party, and everyone's your best friend.
The funny thing is, the new year seems to bring a change to one and all.
It gets kind of hard to deal with these changes sometimes.
And I think.. Nobody ever really makes the right choices.
But at the end of the day, this is what life is all about.
And like they always say, everythings happens for a reason.
PW was hard, but year 2 really challenged us all.

It's hard to believe that it's all over now.

So here I close this chapter of my life, with a smile and a sigh, of good times past and bad, and bid farewell to the only way I've known how to live for the past 2 years.
Heh, goodbye.

You don't have to be THAT creative.

2010-11-13T15:51:00.004+08:00

Here is the debate that arises out of a MacDonald's glass cup:
"We can pour wax inside. Then put a string."
"Huh?"
"To make a candle. Haven't you heard of candles before?"
"Well.. Why can't you just put a candle inside?"
"..."

2010-11-13T01:01:00.000+08:00

I want to be myself.

2010-11-12T23:58:00.001+08:00

I think I'm trying to save the world for you
You've been saving me, too
We could just stay in and save each other

2010-11-12T23:44:00.001+08:00

It's okay. (:

2010-11-12T23:43:00.001+08:00

Maybe I'm just not good enough.

things i lack

2010-11-12T22:17:00.003+08:00

I think growing up is all about becoming a better person.
If you don't become a better person, who's to say you've grown at all?

I guess I still haven't grown,
Because I still don't understand.

-_-

2010-11-10T23:23:00.000+08:00

2010-11-02T21:29:00.001+08:00

My boyf is helping me with my econs essay. That's nice. (:

2010-10-28T02:23:00.003+08:00

I like effective and productive studying with you. (:

2010-10-27T02:38:00.002+08:00

H: "Time seems to be flying."
I: "No, it's still here."
H: "Does time have wings?"

2010-10-25T09:50:00.000+08:00

Hello! I miss my sayang. I'm going to study now. Goodbye!

2010-10-15T23:30:00.002+08:00

Something Bout Love – David Archuleta

2010-10-08T17:55:00.000+08:00

2010-09-24T22:04:00.002+08:00

FIGHT LAH! FIGHT SOME MORE!
FUCKKKKKK!

2010-09-17T22:33:00.000+08:00

I love my Zulhilmi! Hahaha.

how to waste a sunday night

2010-09-12T22:06:00.003+08:00

When I was really sad or upset or even downright mad,
I used to plug my ears in and blast my mp3 at full volume,
Till I eventually fell asleep.

Now my mp3's spoilt,
But thank God for my laptop and my sister's extra earpiece.

This is how I shall spend my Sunday eve-of-prelim night.

will you come home

2010-09-12T19:51:00.001+08:00

I am but a lonely soul tonight.

I could really use a wish right now~

sometimes,

2010-09-10T23:20:00.000+08:00

I yearn for a more normal family.

you can't run from A levels

2010-09-08T17:47:00.003+08:00

I measured - it's almost half a metre tall!

I thank God, for this miracle that is you. (:
Thank you for praying. (:

WORK!

2010-08-29T17:52:00.000+08:00

I have to stop getting distracted! ):

School Blues

2010-08-22T21:29:00.001+08:00

I don't think H1 teachers have the right to demand so much.
I wish my teachers would leave me alone. Sigh.

2010-08-22T20:52:00.000+08:00

Gearing up for As,
Can I be tired alrdy? Haha.

how much

2010-08-09T10:32:00.004+08:00

I was looking through Friday's photos when I realised something.
I won't say what. It's really beyond obvious.
I'll let the pictures do the talking. (:
And if you can't get it by the last 3 photos, then I really don't know what to say.

did you forget your love?

2010-08-08T23:03:00.003+08:00

I wish I was a fighter.
I wish I was strong, like Superman.
I wish I was tough, like Wonderwoman.
I wish I was powerful, like Ironman.

We'd be so less fragile if we're made from metal,
And our hearts from iron, and our minds from steel,
And if we built an armour for our tender bodies
Could we love each other, would we stop to feel?

sevenfour

2010-08-07T21:27:00.000+08:00

Forever and always. (:

for you,

2010-08-07T15:36:00.001+08:00

I don't feel like doing anything. I can't.
I'm sad upset and worried worried worried.

Get well soon. ):

take care dear ):

2010-08-07T15:33:00.000+08:00

2010-08-07T15:18:00.002+08:00

I am sad and worried and just plain wishing that I could do more. LY.

The Big 'A'

2010-08-05T19:56:00.001+08:00

I feel kind of excited, to study. (:

defeated.

2010-07-31T12:32:00.002+08:00

I hate how you teach us to give up.
I hate how you discourage us from having hope.

This is not a good environment for growing up.

hehh!

2010-07-31T00:04:00.001+08:00

I is a happy girl, looking forward to happy things. (:

2010-07-19T00:28:00.001+08:00

I rmbr hearing the imam say,
It's hard to ask for forgiveness,
But it's even harder to forgive.
Much, much harder.

thisfunkchanel

2010-07-18T16:52:00.003+08:00

Father doesn't consider daughter's feelings.
Daughter can't wait to get away.
Mother doesn't consider other daughter's feelings.
Mother and daughter engage in a protracted conflict.
Father sees something another daughter would rather he didn't.
Father stops speaking to daughter.

What next? Hit me.

i have a question

2010-07-18T12:06:00.002+08:00

What are we turning into?

your lessons.

2010-07-14T22:34:00.000+08:00

I learnt something about love today.

While some girl might say that love is being willing to be miserable if it means making you happy,
Today you taught me that love is also about making myself happy, so that you'd be happy.

ILY. (:

hint: days!

2010-07-11T13:40:00.002+08:00

Since school ends at 3.15pm tmrw,
I guess that makes it another 26h, thereaboout.
& after 4 months.. Too soon to think about that.
I'll just enjoy these last 4 months of school. (:

&& only _ more days to The Surprise!
I hope everything goes well. (:
I can't waaaaaaait~

food galore!

2010-07-10T21:11:00.000+08:00

I want to try eating at Breeks.
& Manhattan Fish Market.
Just for the experience. Haha.
Someday.

& I want to eat at Pizza Hut too.
As well as Seoul Garden,
While I'm still a school-going student.

I want to eat at Pastamania,
I absolutely adore their Italian Soda.

Heh, food gets me excited. (:

to say what you mean; to mean what you say.

2010-07-09T00:25:00.002+08:00

We insist on paying when really we think it would be nice to have you pay for us.
We say it's really ok though we feel it would be sweet of you to do it nonetheless.

We walk away with our hearts screaming to be stopped.

cause we'll never be wrong together.

2010-07-03T23:30:00.002+08:00

I can't wait for Prelim I to be over.
Screw Physics, though.

Scratch that, I will work hard for Physics!
& the upcoming Maths paper as well,

& I can't wait for post-Prelim I days.
Hehh. B)

overload.

2010-06-27T20:39:00.001+08:00

I think I almost fainted today. Sucker.

next: survive the weekend!

2010-06-25T18:35:00.002+08:00

I love surprises.
I love giving surprises, too.

'Twas a good day today! (:

3 more days to the start of Prelim I!

super-sad.

2010-06-25T00:03:00.002+08:00

I really want to stay up, not fall asleep & make you wait for so long. ):
I really want it very badly. ):

to learn.

2010-06-23T22:21:00.001+08:00

You learn & you learn & you learn & you learn.

the patience & the peace.

2010-06-19T02:33:00.003+08:00

I feel better after falling asleep singing along to songs. (:
Feels good, but now it's half past two & I gotta get back to lalaland.
I hope I get good dreams this time. (:

Haha, I feel so cheered up, it's weird.

ps. Good luck for today dear. (:

not the best.

2010-06-18T22:13:00.002+08:00

First win out a 140 games played! Grr.

Anyway, I think I'm quite bitchy today.
Tell me why!

& I didn't realise before how much I love Lily Allen's Littlest Things.
I mean really, the 'littlest things' she describes in those songs?
I don't really think they're so 'little', just understated.

It's so hard to ---- -- --- today.

2010-06-18T16:38:00.001+08:00

It's one of those days, you know?

unaware.

2010-06-18T11:19:00.001+08:00

Mhmm I feel like eating instant noodles.
Takpelah, I'll just be anorexic for the day, haha.
I am wasting my time!~

2010-06-18T10:35:00.002+08:00

matrep kat dalam bus nak step bbual english dgn aku siolxlxlx punyelah kelakar hahaha I have no idea why I'm speaking like this, I is bored and in pain, I need to go study now k bye.

you're only 18 once

2010-06-17T19:02:00.001+08:00

I guess this is what it's like to be eighteen.

little boys & their toys!

2010-06-16T21:25:00.001+08:00

Muke orang happy dapat main playstation! Haha.

dream whisperer.

2010-06-14T22:24:00.003+08:00

If only I had something to catch my dreams.
Those times when you wake up feeling scared, anxious, sad, or jubilant & excited;
Then you realise you can't explain the reason behind this strong emotion.

So many of my dreams are lost,
Like sand slipping through my fingers in the wind.

On a side note, I failed today's mission!
To sleep from 11 to 6 & at no other time than that.
'Uhm, I fell asleep? Heh.'

boys.

2010-06-12T02:46:00.003+08:00

My boyfriend chose world cup over me. )':

Hahahahaha. I hope he doesn't murder me when he reads this.

just get through today!

2010-06-11T12:44:00.003+08:00

I clocked in more hours studying for my Os than I do for my As. D:
My back hurts like crazy, seriously! )':
Too much carbs & negative exercise. Sigh~
Plus, I'm refraining myself from missing someone, cause otherwise he'll feel it too, the psycho- i mean, psychic that he is. Hahaha! :3 ♥

grumbles

2010-06-09T18:47:00.002+08:00

Less than half an hour left!
Ohh, I can't wait to eeeeaaaatttt!

I woke up at half past ten & stayed in bed till nearly twelve,
Today was yet another less-than-productive day for me.
Prelims is drawing ever nearer,
I'm gonna work my brains out tonight.
After I've filled myself up with some foooooood!

Indah's turning twenty at midnight!
& I wonder if I should fast again tmrw?

two!

2010-06-07T21:58:00.001+08:00

HELLO LOVE ! :D

Its you, I want and have been dreaming.

2010-06-06T19:38:00.003+08:00

Hehhhhhhhhhh.
((((((((((((((((((:

i miss everything about.

2010-06-05T21:43:00.004+08:00

deep breaths.
))))))))))))))):

do you think of me when she screams your name?

2010-06-05T13:38:00.003+08:00

My resolve is weak.
Hungry, & lacking motivation.
Mom cooked carrot cake today.
Not helping. ):

But since it's sth you helped me plan,
I guess I'll press on.

I'm still sad though.
I feel like showing you sth sweetheart,
But maybe we shldn't touch on it.
Maybe I don't want to know, afterall.

About five & a half more hours to goooo~

friendships are such weak bonds.

2010-06-04T23:03:00.002+08:00

This is what blogs and journals are for.
For remembering old friends,
& the little things they said that,
Although didn't seem like much at the time,
Lets you remember them fondly.

It's sad how distance sets you apart,
We only keep in touch with some of those we were close with,
Or those who are now close to us physically.
(Though hardly anybody came to innova with me. )
Some people we were once close with, or thought we were anyway, don't even bother to keep in touch.

never easy.

2010-05-30T11:19:00.002+08:00

Veronica: So what are you like now?
Logan: You know, tortured... ever since I got my heart broken.
Veronica: Hannah really did a number on you, huh?
Logan: Come on, you know I'm not talking about Hannah. I thought our story was epic, you know, you and me.
Veronica: Epic how?
Logan: Spanning years and continents. Lives ruined, bloodshed. EPIC. But summer's almost here, and we won't see each other at all. And then you leave town... and then it's over.
Veronica: Logan...
Logan: I'm sorry about last summer. You know, if I could do it over...
Veronica: Come on. Ruined lives? Bloodshed? You really think a relationship should be that hard?
Logan: No one writes songs about the ones that come easy.

(sighsighsigh)

2010-05-28T23:49:00.001+08:00

I hate, hate, HATE getting upset over stupid silly stuff.
I'm becoming quite sick of myself.

wanted to make peace, but.

2010-05-28T21:57:00.002+08:00

I think that, the people in our lives with perhaps the biggest potential to disappoint, are our very own parents.
As children, we tend to expect great things from them.

Well mother, I can't stand your husband.

valium.

2010-05-26T01:57:00.004+08:00

I don't know what's wrong with me.
I don't even know what I'm doing right now.

Should have saved that chocolate bar, maybe then I wouldn't have.

fight for me.

2010-05-24T01:17:00.002+08:00

Would you have so readily given me up just like that?

syndicate.

2010-05-23T23:06:00.001+08:00

Are we the only ones on your side?

2010-05-23T11:54:00.002+08:00

I wonder if Siti is mad at me?
I probably deserve it though.
): ): ):

let me hold you now.

2010-05-22T13:29:00.002+08:00

I'm bored. I'm supposed to be doing my history essay so I can complete all my hmwk by today & take a whole day tmrw to study for my gp prelim one paper on wednesday. But I've been lying on my bed for awhile now - missing you terribly.

the things you learn in history.

2010-05-21T20:26:00.001+08:00

After much careful consideration, I have come to the conclusion that 'my parents are religious fundamentalists'.
Should be easier to write my RF essays now. C:

paradise.

2010-05-17T20:18:00.003+08:00

When I have an abundance of money,
These are what I'd like to spend on:

Dresses & 200 of my favourite OMNI pens!~

I cannot get enough of them & I cannot tell you how much I love them,
Hehehe. (:

little things.

2010-05-16T23:01:00.001+08:00

My uniform smells of you. Heh. (:

here i am.

2010-05-15T13:20:00.003+08:00

The feeling I get is that people don't really get an accurate picture of me.

I think people like Zul tend to think I work harder than I really do.
The way I see it, I spend a lot of time lazing about the house, doing absolutely nothing other than raiding the fridge every 15min. Or less.

Then, there are people like Din who think I'm more religious than I really am.
There are a lot of things I don't know because I stopped madrasah in primary 2.
I'm not even sure I got that far.
So effectively, I only had one year of religious studies, which I suppose makes me quite clueless about it.

Some people like Nasriah will think I'm nicer than I really am.
It's just that sometimes I restrain myself from saying aloud the bitter thoughts in my head.
So in the end, people will 'only hear the good stuff'.

Then again, I wonder if my own depiction of myself is accurate.

go get your wounded heart.

2010-05-08T02:40:00.002+08:00

I really love her, she is so damn good!
Her songs are the only music in my playlist.
C:

other than me.

2010-05-08T02:36:00.002+08:00

I broke up with H the day after our 1st month.
Maybe he didn't mean anyth to me,
But it's something that I've always happened to rmbr.

Just something to think about.

2010-05-07T23:16:00.002+08:00

I wish effort was more tangible.
That it could be measured in cups, by a ruler or on a scale.
Maybe then, you'd understand.

build me the moon.

2010-05-04T23:05:00.003+08:00

Today I smiled to myself.
You asked me why I was smiling,
I said it was nothing.
When you insisted on knowing why,
I answered, Because I'm happy.
You went on to ask why I was happy,
But you never did get a straight answer, did you?

Today I smiled to myself because I was happy to have you by my side.

crying in strangers' cars.

2010-05-04T00:29:00.003+08:00

I'm awake and I've been losing sleep
I've been fighting all my demons
I've been getting weak
'Cause I've been trying, trying, trying
To be anything other than me

I really like listening to her songs. :3

cyclops vs one piece vs pirates of the carribean

2010-05-03T08:46:00.001+08:00

My sister has a funny way of cheering me up.

2010-05-02T20:08:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, I just get so tired of being me.

75% success rate

2010-05-02T15:25:00.004+08:00

Guess who just played 100 rounds of Minesweeper in 1 sitting?
Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh~
I'm gonna focus on my work now.

skool ):

2010-05-02T01:11:00.002+08:00

2010-04-30T22:45:00.000+08:00

F YOU LAH.

you say,

2010-04-29T23:18:00.002+08:00

I don't understand reverse psychology.
All it does is bring my self-esteem down,
Unless that's the intended effect?
But then it wouldn't be called reverse psychology..
Uhh, your thinking is just weird.

when shooting stars collide.

2010-04-28T19:16:00.004+08:00

I miss my best boy-friend & best girl-friend in school being good friends with each other.
But, it's not my place to say anything, I don't have a right to interfere in their affairs.

PS. Post #800! (:

countdown.

2010-04-25T10:42:00.003+08:00

I'm scared.

thinking of you.

2010-04-25T00:48:00.003+08:00

Today, I feel defeated.

I know you won't feel better anytime soon,
But I'll wait.

a million little stars.

2010-04-22T22:22:00.003+08:00

Untouchable – Taylor Swift Music Code